What’s the most important thing you hope your children learn from you?
My hope is that Omari learns how to seek after God for himself and that he will come to have a personal relationship with Christ.
This world is gonna eventually smack him around like it has done all of us, but for me my relationship with God keeps me grounded, it keeps me from being completely shaken and broken. I hope as he is growing up, and when the trials of the world come he can remember seeing me fight…. Not with my own strength but with the strength of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
The last few weeks I’ve just felt like “blah”. I’ve felt discouraged, anxious and in general felt like I was losing my fire for God.
I was still making sure I was reading my Bible every day but wasn’t praying as fervently as I usually do and I was starting to feel like I was just on this hamster wheel everyday that consisted of work and motherhood.
It’s funny because the more I felt like this I started to pray less and almost in a way was trying to avoid God (like that can happen lol)
Saturday morning I’d had enough of this feeling so I got in the shower, turned on some worship music and just started praying specifically about how I had been feeling and asking God to help me change that. I felt so much lighter after that prayer and I know that God heard me.
Later that day I was listening to my worship playlist on the way to the store and the song “Fresh Fire” by @maverickcitymusic came on. All the words were resonating with me so much and I started singing aloud to God, basically praying through song.
You know, in your Christian walk you are going to have times where the distractions of this world may cause your fire to dwindle. It’s ok! When this happens ask God to help you in that moment, he loves when we include him in our issues, he loves when we cast our cares on him.
“So light a match, let it go…. set a blaze uncontrol, I want that fire”
Y’all… yesterday I realized how much I’m growing as a person.
Yesterday I was just driving, actually speeding (uh oh) and minding my business when this corvette came up behind be very fast…
Now… I wasn’t going to move over to the right lane because, first of all sir I’m already speeding and secondly there were slower people in the right lane and I didn’t feel like going slower.
This man was literally behind me for 30 seconds before he was able to loop around me…. … ok
Do you know what he did when he got around me? He flicked me off y’all!!! Can you believe that? I can’t even believe a man would do that to a woman… but that’s another conversation.
But, my reaction is the one that surprised me. The former Christina would have flicked him off back, tried to speed up to catch him (a fool’s errand as he was in a corvette 🤣), or yelled through my window. But the current Christina just laughed and I actually said “God please help that person with their anger and how they react to situations”
True story y’all lol.
With all that being said… it’s Friday, the weekend is here, so let’s choose joy! Don’t let anyone or anything shift your mood, it’s not worth the energy.
Today was my first time being baptized in my entire life.
Growing up in my family baptism was very important but it wasn’t forced on us. My parents always believed that our faith and our relationship with God should be our own and I’m so grateful for that. My parents provided great examples of living a Christian life and honestly they gave me a great foundation but I had to find my own way.
Of course if anyone had asked me growing up if I was Christian, I would have said yes, and while I believed that Jesus died for me I didn’t have a true personal relationship with him. I didn’t know what it meant to love him, only that he loved me for some strange reason lol.
In the last quarter of 2019 my journey towards this love began. I joined a freedom group at church which met every week for about 12 weeks and then we attended a conference in January 2020. At the freedom conference I had the opportunity to get baptized but I didn’t because I felt like my family and other friends should be there to celebrate with me, especially my mom. After that I decided it would be so awesome to be baptized for my 30th birthday (April 2020), well COVID decided that wasn’t going to happen as many churches were closed due to lockdown.
But God is always working,
In May of 2020 I felt like I was hearing God tell me, “I need you to get to know me more”…. I literally heard these words. I was feeling him pull at me more than ever and I had so many questions I wanted answered. So I purchased a new study Bible and started reading my Bible from start to finish in pursuit of getting to know my creator (currently in Daniel 😁)
Fast forward to 2021
My relationship with my Lord and Savior is so much greater than I could have ever imagined. I talk to him everyday, I let him know my most raw thoughts and I actually love him!
Last week the Lord put it on my heart that it was time to get baptized so I reached out to my church to see when I could and today ended up being the day
At first this date was just random to me but it’s really not. The number 3 symbolizes the trinity and eternal life while 7 represents completion and probably some other things I haven’t learned yet lol….. and 21… well that’s 3 sets of 7… can’t go wrong there lol
Anyway y’all…. I just wanted to share a little bit of my journey and how God really works when you let him in and seek him with your whole heart and mind.
If you have any questions about my journey or you have this tugging at your heart you don’t know what to do with… message me, this is a safe space and trust me there is nothing you have done that I haven’t 😜
I often have these thoughts that I’m not doing enough for my son, thoughts like “if you didn’t do this” or “if you did this more” plague my mind constantly.
Sometimes people tell you you’re doing a great job but you don’t always believe them and sometimes people tell you you’re doing a terrible job with your child and you believe them every time. (Why is that?…)
The only thing I have been able to do to combat these thoughts is to talk to God about it.
Praying raw, real prayers, asking him to help me with these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and asking him for wisdom to parent the way he wants me to.
I tell people all the time that parents don’t always know what they are doing. The parental instinct does kick in for some more than others but honestly we’re all winging it.
My child is nothing like I imagined. The things that I like he doesn’t like, the things I thought we would do together we don’t…. I really had to come to grips with that reality.
I don’t think I’ll ever have all the parenting answers but I know that if I let God lead me and love Omari as God loves the both of us then God will get the glory and honestly that’s what it’s all about for me.