The last few weeks I’ve just felt like “blah”. I’ve felt discouraged, anxious and in general felt like I was losing my fire for God.
I was still making sure I was reading my Bible every day but wasn’t praying as fervently as I usually do and I was starting to feel like I was just on this hamster wheel everyday that consisted of work and motherhood.
It’s funny because the more I felt like this I started to pray less and almost in a way was trying to avoid God (like that can happen lol)
Saturday morning I’d had enough of this feeling so I got in the shower, turned on some worship music and just started praying specifically about how I had been feeling and asking God to help me change that. I felt so much lighter after that prayer and I know that God heard me.
Later that day I was listening to my worship playlist on the way to the store and the song “Fresh Fire” by @maverickcitymusic came on. All the words were resonating with me so much and I started singing aloud to God, basically praying through song.
You know, in your Christian walk you are going to have times where the distractions of this world may cause your fire to dwindle. It’s ok! When this happens ask God to help you in that moment, he loves when we include him in our issues, he loves when we cast our cares on him.
“So light a match, let it go…. set a blaze uncontrol, I want that fire”
I often have these thoughts that I’m not doing enough for my son, thoughts like “if you didn’t do this” or “if you did this more” plague my mind constantly.
Sometimes people tell you you’re doing a great job but you don’t always believe them and sometimes people tell you you’re doing a terrible job with your child and you believe them every time. (Why is that?…)
The only thing I have been able to do to combat these thoughts is to talk to God about it.
Praying raw, real prayers, asking him to help me with these thoughts and feelings of inadequacy and asking him for wisdom to parent the way he wants me to.
I tell people all the time that parents don’t always know what they are doing. The parental instinct does kick in for some more than others but honestly we’re all winging it.
My child is nothing like I imagined. The things that I like he doesn’t like, the things I thought we would do together we don’t…. I really had to come to grips with that reality.
I don’t think I’ll ever have all the parenting answers but I know that if I let God lead me and love Omari as God loves the both of us then God will get the glory and honestly that’s what it’s all about for me.
Omari started a new school this week! I’m going to be honest, this switch gave me some anxiety as so many questions swirled in my head, “Will they understand Omari?”, “Should we wait until he’s talking more?”, “Will Omari be ok?”.
I prayed about this everyday while looking for his new school…praying for peace, wisdom and discernment about the whole situation.
Happy to say that the first three days at his new school have been amazing and Omari is adjusting very well. We did have some tears the first and second day but they didn’t last long and his new teachers even commented on how well he was adjusting.
Today, on day 3 there were no tears.
I’m so happy to know that God answers all my prayers in his perfect timing. Totally in awe of him